"Successful Communication "

Regardless of the type of relationship you have with another person, it is essential that you be able to communicate effectively. This means you need to know how to deliver a message and how to listen to someone else’s message.


When Doing the Talking


* Be aware of your motivation. Know why you are beginning the conversation and what you want to accomplish.


* Use "I" language.


* Limit your conversation to one concern at a time. Discussions are often a form of criticism so be careful not to overwhelm your listener.


* Choose the right time and place. Select a time and location (neutral turf) where there will not be interruptions, as well as, one in which you feel emotionally calm.


* Temper criticism with praise. Always begin the conversation on a positive note and then move into the issue at hand.


* Nurture small steps towards change. Change takes time so be patient. When you notice a change praise the other person.


* Make specific requests. Share with the listener exactly what you want and/or expect.


* Avoid "why" questions. "Why" puts people on the defense and is perceived as negative criticism.


Rewording the question can be tricky but also save a lot of unnecessary arguing.


* Express anger appropriately. Make certain you direct your anger toward the behavior or issue, not the person.


* Listen. Pay close attention to the response(s) you receive. Then, think about what you want to say next before you actually open your mouth.


When Doing the Listening


* Empathize with the communicator. You don’t have to agree but express you care.


* Paraphrase. Repeat back to the communicator what you heard in your own words.


* Acknowledge the concern and find something to agree with. This does not mean you are saying the other person is right but rather that you understand the concern.


* Ask clarifying questions. If you are confused, ask questions.


* Express your feelings. Let the other person know how you feel about what has been shared.


* Focus on future changes. You will both likely need to make some changes so discuss them and come to an agreement.





Remember, in conversation to always…


* Maintain eye contact.


* Be aware of non-verbal messages. If you find someone looking away, fidgeting, avoiding feedback, yawning, or behaving in any way that clearly says, "I’m not listening," end the conversation and arrange a better time to meet and try again.


* Provide feedback. Express you are listening by paraphrasing or sharing your feelings.


* Support the other’s effort. Give them a smile, a nod or perhaps some words of encouragement like "I’m listening, continue."


* Express unconditional positive regard. Explain that know matter what is said, you will respect the other for their honesty and willingness to communicate.


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